The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Sunday, July 18, 2010

AM I NAUGHTY OR NUTS OR JUST RIDICULOUS?


The other day I talked to a woman a few years older than I in Starbucks (the Temple of Torpor, I love the place!), and she said I was nuts. She said I should just age gracefully and basically, simmer down. She said I was immature. She said second childhoods are ridiculous.

The only bright part of this conversation was that she looks like hell.
Here’s what I think an average life should look like these days:

  1. You are pulled out of the Soul Bank by God and put into a body and born. You are not necessarily happy about this.
  2. You are born alone. This definitely sucks.
  3. But you grow up and form attachments; to your parent(s), your siblings once you stop wanting to kill them, then you make friends.
  4. You experience youth, you do your share of partying, life is wonderful, heart wrenching, and important.
  5. Eventually you settle down. You have a job/career, family.
  6. Then you age. You start to lose attachments. Maybe your partner dies or you get divorced. Your kids move away. Your older relatives died when you were so busy working you barely had time to notice. Now you are the older generation.
  7. You retire. Once in a while you see whoever’s still alive.
  8. You die alone. This definitely sucks.
  9. WAIT---STOP THE PRESSES!!! REVISE #8!....
10. You retire, you downsize, you seek out others like yourself. You travel to do this. You meet others on the road. Or you join up with your surviving relatives or friends in similar situations. You RE-BOND. You start to run in packs. You form attachments. You motor around in cavalcades and party at rest stops and campgrounds. You borrow, barter, and share stuff. You return to #4.
11. You re-experience life. It is wonderful, heart wrenching, and important.
12. You die alone. It sucks, but you’re headed back to the Soul Bank anyway, where no one is ever alone.
When I presented this to my companion, her eyes got so wide she looked like a housefly. Eventually she said, “That can’t happen.”
Why not? WHY NOT????

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