The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

THE GREAT ISSUES OF THE MODERN WORLD

This is what I think of when I lie awake nights:

1.     Why isn’t plastic surgery free?
2.     Why don’t we power the world with sh*t? Talk about renewable…
3.     Why do men look better as they age?

1.     If it is a given that half the world gets ugly, why do we not have a means to deal with it? Personally I think people look their best in their mid thirties to mid forties. In a just world, we would all get there and stop. Of course we would die at the appointed time, but we would look and feel good until the moment came. So good doctors out there, get busy! To hell with biological immortality, who in the name of all that is sensible would want to live forever? I’m only sixty four and it’s already boring! You medical researchers need to put your energy into a pill that will arrest aging at 35 and hold it there until 100 or so, when we can all peacefully fall apart. And until that happens, I have a message for all you lowlife insurance companies out there....plastic surgery should be FREE!




2.    If there is one thing this world will never run out of, it is sh*t. It is the most plentiful substance in the world. Why settle for just stepping in it? Why not use it to power the planet? Everyone knows the technology is there to produce methane gas from manure. In the 70’s, an engineer in England developed a unit he called, “The Digester.” I want one. I want one in my septic tank and in my car, too Then I can say !@$!!*%! to my favorite folks in the oil industry. 

3.     Men aging more attractively is one of the great injustices of the universe. They look pretty good right up through their fifties. This is because a mature man looks powerful. Young men are too pretty. By contrast, young women look breedable, and old women look...well, old. All I can say is, thank God men eventually turn sixty. Then they look like the rest of us.

1 comment:

  1. Yah, except than your car will smell like shit.

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