The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Saturday, August 14, 2010


THE BABY BOOMER BODY can live forever.

Futurist Ray Kurzweil talks about a not-so-distant future in which our bodies will be filled with “nanobots” coming and going, tiny computerized machines that do a better job of everything than our organs.

GET THIS: (YEEHAW!!!) You can eat whatever you want. You heard me. In Boomer Body 2.0, nanobots take care of digestion, nutrition, and elimination. So you can overindulge in calories OMG the chocolate man, the chocolate, and you won’t gain an ounce. The nanobots might, but who cares if they’re fat?

In fact, nanobots take care of everything. What a concept. Our hearts keep pumping, our muscles stay strong, we heal injuries quickly, we….holy crap….we live forever?

Before you get excited, think: You will be married for eternity. You will have seen everything before, at least fifty times. Your children will be older than you. Your dog will have died so long ago you don’t even remember you had a dog. Your car is so old you can’t remember what it looked like. And the Earth is covered with 25 billion people.

Which means that every time you open your eyes you see a stranger. In all fairness, they see you, too. You turn around and someone gets pissed off. You burp and 100 people are offended. You fart and…never mind, I can’t count that high.

The rich, of course, would be fine, when are they not? They would probably colonize the moon and get their nanobots to generate images of Earth in their eyes so they wouldn’t know they were living on a Brillo pad in the middle of bum f*ck nowhere.

I think…I think I pass. Not because nanobots aren’t the greatest thing since flush toilets, but because people will continue to be assholes no matter what fantastic casings you put them in. I think…I’ll peacefully croak. Thanks be to God for Boomer Body 2.0, but, frankly, unless it has a kill switch, keep it.

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