The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Sunday, August 1, 2010

BOOMER DONATES HER ASS FOR THE COMMON GOOD


I just read that scientists in Australia have found a way to make stem cells out of fat cells (in mice). OMG this is the best news since George Bush retired.

The article said that some infinitesimal amount of human fat could, theoretically, make one million stem cells. Holy crap! This means that just one of my butt cheeks could make billions of stem cells!

I will donate my ass to charity.
I will live proudly, knowing that my ass healed the sick, made the blind see, and patched up our soldiers coming home from war. I will be modest: when one of my recipients stops me on the street pointing to his eyes and says, “Your ass made this possible” I will smile and shuffle a little.

Soldiers will write me letters, saying “I don’t know how to thank you for your ass.” Maybe I’ll even get a writeup in the local paper: “NOBLE OLD WOMAN GIVES UP HER ASS FOR GOOD.”

And as for me, of course my liposuction will be covered under insurance or research grants or whatever. And I can finally fit into my old jeans! Now that’s a win/win situation if I ever saw one!

1 comment:

  1. Jane's sister here--I pledge to donate my ass as well, maybe i could heal the middle east......

    ReplyDelete