And Now, To Publish...
Oh crap. Here we go. I have decided to self publish my book, as a start. An agent I enjoy bothering told me that if I can sell some copies (read: a LOT of copies) on my own, a traditional publisher will pick it up (read: so will she).
Hello, iUniverse? You want HOW much? Hello, Retirement Account? Sorry, but I need the money. Oh well, better to spend the money now on a good try than have an extra few thousand to decorate my park bench or hovel when I finally retire.
Now I will go out there and market my book. I can start right here with my blog. At about 40 readers a day, if I sell to one percent, that means I can sell four tenths of a book. Cool. Keep on trucking.
Social networking, yeah, there we go. I can be ignored by more people on Twitter and Facebook than refugees from Hurricane Katrina. Ah, family email. Wait...they ignore me too.
I've got it: an irresistible selling package.
I will give people the book, along with a free sweater shaver. No takers? Hmmnn...okay I will give people the book, along with a sweater shaver and a little pad of paper for writing lists. No? Okay, I'll target my audience:
- · for middle aged women: the book, a jar of hormone cream, an ice pack, and a set of sharp knives
- · for midlife crisis guys, the book, a hot blonde, and a picture of a hot car they can't afford
- · for fantasy oriented readers: the book, a cape, a sword, and flying lessons
- · for the literary crowd: the book, a pipe, a pair of slippers, free reading glasses, a portable fireplace, and a sweater shaver
- · for younger readers, the book, a bag to throw it away in, and a cell phone filled with texts of chapter summaries
- · for schoolteachers: the book, and a large supply of sedatives to keep their classes quiet so they can read it
- · for jail inmates: the book, and a list of addresses of weird females for pen pals
- · everyone else gets the sweater shavers.
Wait a minute: wasn't I supposed to sell the damned thing?
Well, maybe the publisher has some ideas. Let's hope so! :)