The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Thursday, October 28, 2010

And Now, To Publish...

Oh crap. Here we go. I have decided to self publish my book, as a start. An agent I enjoy bothering told me that if I can sell some copies (read: a LOT of copies) on my own, a traditional publisher will pick it up (read: so will she).

Hello, iUniverse? You want HOW much? Hello, Retirement Account? Sorry, but I need the money. Oh well, better to spend the money now on a good try than have an extra few thousand to decorate my park bench or hovel when I finally retire.

Now I will go out there and market my book. I can start right here with my blog. At about 40 readers a day, if I sell to one percent, that means I can sell four tenths of a book. Cool. Keep on trucking.

Social networking, yeah, there we go. I can be ignored by more people on Twitter and Facebook than refugees from Hurricane Katrina. Ah, family email. Wait...they ignore me too.

I've got it: an irresistible selling package.

I will give people the book, along with a free sweater shaver. No takers? Hmmnn...okay I will give people the book, along with a sweater shaver and a little pad of paper for writing lists. No? Okay, I'll target my audience:
  • ·      for middle aged women: the book, a jar of hormone cream, an ice pack, and a set of sharp knives
  • ·      for midlife crisis guys, the book, a hot blonde, and a picture of a hot car they can't afford
  • ·      for fantasy oriented readers: the book, a cape, a sword, and flying lessons
  • ·      for the literary crowd: the book, a pipe, a pair of slippers, free reading glasses, a portable fireplace, and a sweater shaver
  • ·      for younger readers, the book, a bag to throw it away in, and a cell phone filled with texts of chapter summaries
  • ·      for schoolteachers: the book, and a large supply of sedatives to keep their classes quiet so they can read it
  • ·      for jail inmates: the book, and a list of addresses of weird females for pen pals
  • ·      everyone else gets the sweater shavers.     

Wait a minute: wasn't I supposed to sell the damned thing?

Well, maybe the publisher has some ideas. Let's hope so! :)


  1. Hi, Janey... Regarding marketing of your book, check out the website of the Independent Book Publishers Association...

    And best of success in the venture, Bill

  2. Old age is not for sissies; someone said that, and I believe it. This is no time to save a few thou that will be worth less in retirement. Take the chance !! P.S. I want a copy, please...

  3. thanks for the tip. I will check it out.
    @Lian: Thanks for the encouragement. Now, we'll see.....:)

  4. Good luck, Janey! I know several people who have self-published, and been pleased with the results.

  5. You can publish the book at

    Costs you nothing, and you remain right-holder of your book.

  6. Thanks, Joop! To the dismay of my pocketbook, I signed on with iUniverse. I want their help in promotion, since I need some direction in this area. If you or anyone else has some ideas on this.....much appreciated!