The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My Editor Ate Me

Ha ha ha, the joke's on me. I thought the Marketing Monster was gonna get me. Then I met the Editing Monster.

I got my edited manuscript back the other day, along with instructions designed by a Demon-In-Training on what to do with the comments. I can see why I paid 2 cents a line. There's at least one comment on every single one of the lines in one hundred and ninety eight pages.

Am I laughing yet? Trooper that I am, I started editing the edits. After three hours, I had completed twenty out of one hundred and ninety eight pages. No matter that I was watching Boston (home sweet home) get its a** kicked by New York/Jersey (barf! puke! retch!) in the playoffs, I'm sure I wasn't distracted. I'm also sure the Editing Monster was eating my soul.

I will have to:

  • find my soul and put one of those antibiotic bandaids on it
  • quit watching the playoffs
  • go to church and pray the Editing Monster falls on hard times (if they even let me into the church; it's been a while
  • pluck out an eyeball
  • wait...I need it to read the edits
  • maybe I can do them with one eye
  • quit bitching
  • and just do the damned edits.
Interesting side note: editors certainly do their job with zeal. Not only were typos and capitalizations corrected, the editor changed words here and there to conform to proper usage. I can see her point, but good grief, if I were into proper usage I would:
  • not be a writer
  • would wear hats and go to church more often
  • would lose my writer's voice
  • and would definitely pluck out an eyeball
  • because I wouldn't need it anymore.


  1. Or ... you could hire a clerk to make the editing corrections whilst you lie on the sofa eating bon-bons. Ah the life of luxury awaits ... but it'll cost you! :P

  2. Snark, snark, the work of publishing begins. And you thought it was easy. The one thing I think is that it will be worth it... for your readers. I know, I'm one.

  3. They make you walk the gauntlet, but hopefully they'll be a plum of a deal at the end.