The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Thursday, February 10, 2011

What's Wrong With Me?...I Can't Slow Down....

I'm trying to figure out what it means to be old but it just escapes me....

I'm standing in the line at the pharmacy and there are people ahead of me with blue hair writing paper checks and bobbing their heads and moving at glacial speed and I realize they're only five to ten years older than I am...

I see a lady at the next table with day glo makeup and ratty hair piled so high she knocks herself out in doorways, and I know she's only my age or a little older...

I see a man hopelessly trying to catch up to his gut on toothpick legs and I know he wants to date me...thank God I can still run a 10:20 mile....


I'm trying to buy a pair of jeans without holes when I am psychically waylaid by energy beams trying to steer me into the polyester department....

I relax into a park bench to sip my mocha and on the bench next to me I hear two women discussing their bowel movements and suddenly that mocha don't taste too friggin' good...

They're dreaming of regularity and I'm dreaming of great passion....

I don't wear much blush. I don't wear much makeup at all, really, because it makes me look funny....

I dye my hair

I like to dance

I like to drink

I like coffee houses and saloons

Sometimes I like symphony and sometimes I like rock 'n roll

And my life really isn't much different than it was thirty years ago, or even much different than my kids' lives, except that I no longer care about finding the "right" guy.

So when is this great aging thing going to happen? Did I miss it? Did it miss me? Should I start displaying my cellulite, so as to be age-appropriate? Should I wear skin tight tops, to show off my belly roll?

Maybe I should just forget the whole thing and boogie on.

3 comments:

  1. Yeah. Whether you're 8 or 80 it's just another day of life. So, boogie on!

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  2. Aging will never catch up you if you rock on hard enough. I'll still have tattoos, piercings, crayon red hair, and be banging my head to Godsmack when I'm 80 and people are telling me to please act my age!

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  3. Well I act my age: I nap a lot. It lets me go out at night and howl when I want ! Aging is a matter of being able to short cut to what you want to do without guilt, blame, regret (most of the time), etc. And so what if I'm slower; I'm more real now than I was when I was younger.

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