The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Monday, March 28, 2011

If It's Flaccid, Run! Or...Maybe Not...

May December romances are usually between older men and younger women. Men want women who can breed, and young women want security (read: big...huge....wallet).

Maybe it's not such a bad idea, age difference in relationships. My daughters make me cry with their dating stories, this or that young shithead and his commitment issues, blah blah blah. I remember: dating was excruciating. If God forbid anything happened to my husband, I would have to set myself on fire so as to avoid the dating scene.

But....older guys are easy to snag for young women and....younger men....older women....hold on here.

The universe just gave me a smack in the head. I have this ringing in my ears, "Dontcha know that's disgusting....eeuuww!"

Uh, why?

If a young girl can snuggle up to man boobs, why can't a young man snuggle up to flesh a little bit softer than he's used to? Especially when he doesn't have to marry it? (Commitment issues----pfft! gone!)

This is all about social convention, you know. We are trained to overlook the age diff in older man/younger woman relationships, to freak out about it in older woman/younger man scenes. What's the holdup in the revisions, here? Because, if everyone could date everyone, that sure would widen the field. Nice.

We think the old guy gets the goods when he drapes a firm young thing over his arm. But is that it? Doesn't a younger guy ever want less tension, more fun? Don't lie...I know they do. I've had a few rock-hards cruising my waters myself...and it wasn't because of the sleekness of my thighs.

So I propose a mighty re-education project:
  • Focus on relationships with a 20 year age diff
  • Figure the payoff: Older guy gets a breeding female (even though he'll probably never breed with her) and younger guy gets a free spirited, fun-to-be-with gal who almost always goes Dutch,
  • Young woman gets a guy with deep pockets who never gets mad at her because he's not listening,
  • And older woman gets a guy who can stay awake past midnight and she never gets mad at because she's not listening.
What's not to like? 


  1. I've never understood this dichotomy myself. Seems like a pretty free ride for the young man who's interested. Funny, when you're a young teenage male you'd sell your soul for this kind of arrangement. But then social convention kicks in and makes you all stupid.

  2. I get hit on by older guys a lot. Of course, I live in a resort town in Florida, go figure. Then again I also get hit on young Navy guys because this resort town is also near a Navy base. So women of breeding age are in high demand. I am amazed how many older guys (tell me) they still want children. Hmmmm... great article.

  3. @NP: you get it, man. We've got to keep those teenage boys on the right path!
    @CharlotteJ: bless you, and keep on strutting your stuff, forever. Those older guys will tell you anything, but some of them may actually want to be a sire, eternally. Careful! :)

  4. The nice thing about older/younger relationships is that the older, er, elder, just seems to be able to cut to the chase and do away with the non-essential crap in the game playing that goes on in younger, er, youths to discover what is wanted. It's kinda like starting in the middle rather than the beginning of a relationship. But then there is the other thing to consider, at least from my perspective: there is nothing like an evening out with my friends. If I am occasionally lonely for a member of the opposite sex, oh well. Some of the loneliest times of my life was when I was married......

  5. @ Lian: I too like the company of my friends. It's just that I think it shouldn't be either or, when a woman is older. Men can choose; can't we?