The Test to Be A Republican

To be a Republican you have to be rich or stupid. So many people believe they are one or the other that the Party had to make up a qualifying test:

1.     How much money do you have? If it’s less than 20 million, send it in.

2.     Do you have a portfolio? (If you don’t understand this question, please go directly to the Tea Party subsection)

3.     What kind of cars do you drive? Pick from the following (you’d better pick more than one!) a) Lexus b) Lamborghini c) Jaguar  d) BMW with leather seats e) Cadillac (loaded only) 

4.     Describe your yacht.

5.     How many facelifts has your wife had?  a) one  b) two or more c) I can’t remember, but her face is on top of her head

6.     What size breast augmentation has your mistress had?   a) D  b) DD  c) DDD  e) they don’t make bras that big

7.     How many

Get Your  Bitch On!!!

Old and broke, this ain't no joke.
Can't work much more, I'm feeling sore.
Depression II, I hate you
What to do? I'm feeling blue.
Maybe not go under, go asunder!
Live in my car, travel far,
Meet other gaff's, have a few laughs,
With a wink and a nod to the morning star
And a watering stop at a friendly bar!

Poor But Happy!

Well, it’s been a week and I’m still poor. I checked to see if my house went up in value and it went down. I checked to see if my retirement account made any money and one mutual fund lost 67 cents and another made 4 cents. There’s only 9,000 in there anyhow, so honestly, what difference does it make?

But I’m happy.

• ·      Because

Main Street to Wall Street: Kiss My A**!!

Well, now that Wall Street is running things, my future is bleak. If all 47 of my followers buy my book, I may be able to afford some hair dye.

But, facelift, goodbye. Retirement, goodbye. Solvency in old age, goodbye.

BUT LIFE 2.0, HELLO!!!

Never before has Life 2.0 been more appropriate. Never. This is the time for the gray hairs to become gray panthers. This is the time to fight back.

Fight? Am I crazy?