The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Old Wisdom May Not Be So Wise....

What happens when an old fart/fartette falls on the sidewalk?
  • broken hip
  • some punk steals her purse
  • everyone gasps in shock
  • it's ambulance time
What REALLY happens when an old fart/fartette falls on the sidewalk?
  • Purple prose 
  • she hits the punk in a delicate place, easily reachable from below, and steals his wallet
  • everyone gasps in shock (at her behavior)
  • she gets up and wanders off, rudely rubbing her behind in public
That's right folks, we're not as delicate as we look. According to Kay Van Norman, aging and wellness consultant, research over the last 20 years confirms that frailty need not happen, so long as one does some strength training. The Proof:
I was wearing my Devil Shoes, the clogs that are worn on the edges and make me fall down, and down I went, right at the front door of my clinic. A perfect ass plant on concrete, papers scattering everywhere. People came rushing out to assist; not only was I not even sightly hurt, I got up cursing about the papers being out of order. And the next day, I did it again! Smash! On my hip, in the parking lot of the Juvenile Court, same shoes, this time carrying my lunch, and spilled my diet coke. Not a scratch, but I was irritated about the coke.

I took the shoes out in the yard, shot them, then set them on fire. But my hips are fine. Not even a black and blue. I knew that Bowflex machine would earn its keep. 


  1. Absolutely, Janey! I took a huge spill on ice last March, my feet went right out from under me, but due to my superb conditioning and gymnastics training all I got was a slightly sore butt. I sprung back to my feet cheerfully and meandered off on my merry way.

  2. Way to go Jane! There's enough research that shows age related muscle loss to be a myth ... it's mostly a lack of activity (and strength training) which makes older people frail.