The world is crazier than most people know. But I know. I was a clinical social worker for forty years. I am a witness. I retired from social work to write about the sad, the mad, and the savage; with whom I have spent most of my life. I have decided to translate these stories into fiction, because, as a co-worker once said, "You couldn't make this sh*t up. No one would believe you."

Saturday, March 31, 2012

The World Without Plastic Surgery

Good news: we're living longer. Bad news: we look like it. I know, I know; we're beautiful on the inside. But like the dude on the left, the outside can:

  • cause traffic accidents
  • make children cry
  • make dogs bite
  • cause birds to fly about shitting hysterically
  • etc.   

What is worse, it can cause ugly old farts not to be taken seriously. You know what I'm saying. You're in line at the bank and some big dude cuts in front of you because he doesn't see you. You get up to the counter and the teller asks if she can help the person behind you. You have a complaint at the customer service desk and the worker hands you a form and tells you to fill it out and send it in. You give up trying to get a drink at the bar; what's the point?

But what if you look like this?

Okay, okay. Most 80 year olds won't come out looking like this. Still, you can bet your beebies she gets a drink at the bar, and she probably doesn't have to pay for it either!

No comments:

Post a Comment